48 posts tagged with words
Life Stories
Great lyrics by Just Jack.
This is for every life story
Every detail
Ex-dot com millionaires
With shitty jobs in retail
Every ingrown toenail
Pile of junk mail
Driving test fail
Vain search for the Holy GrailEvery move you make
Every breath you take
Every 12 inch record your dumped girlfriend decided to break
And all the underachieving geezers getting more leaning and
Piza on melon Bacardi Breezers and skinny plastic
Dares at work
One-point dares:
- Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
- To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
- Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
- Walk sideways to the photocopier.
- While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors
Lark – Bionic Mind
24 planets 24 doors
24 planets with 24 whores
do you need more?
24 rooms 24 floors
mirrors line 96 walls and all
make you feel tall
24 minutes 24 calls
24 hail mary’s or more
what is the score?
24 kittens 96 paws
land on all fours
with the dirty claws
do you like it?
24 lays 24 lies
24 calculated high fives
it’s just a game
24 planets 24 doors
24 planets with 24 … view full post
Church Bulletins
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
- The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.” - Ladies, don’t forget the rummage (yard) sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Riaan Cruywagen
- Riaan Cruywagen never has his back to you, in fact Riaan has no back.
- Riaan Cruywagen is fluent in twenty seven of the eleven official languages.
- Riaan Cruywagen knows the news before it happens.
- Riaan Cruywagen knew you would say that.
- Riaan Cruywagen is cryogenically frozen every night for EXACTLY eight hours. His brain impulses are monitored during this and used as templates for
Proteas vs Wallabies
A little South African girl was sitting in her classroom in Australia, when her teacher walked in and started talking about how proud she is to be an Australian and how wonderful it is to be a Wallaby supporter. The teacher then asked everyone who supported the Wallabies to put up their hand. Every hand in the class besides one … view full post
Useless facts and thoughts
Via: http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/showThings.do
- There are 2 rules to being a success in life. 1. Never give out all the information.
- Don’t you hate it when someone asks you a question and you don’t know whether it’s rhetorical or not?
- What did the first person to milk a cow think they were doing?
- Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing
Religions of the World
TAOISM – Shit happens
HARE KRISHNA – Shit happens rama rama ding ding
HINDUISM – This shit happened before
ISLAM – If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
ZEN – What is the sound of shit happening?
BUDDHISM – When shit happens, is it really shit?
CONFUCIANISM – Confucius say, “Shit happens”
7th DAY ADVENTISM – Shit happens on Saturdays
PROTESTANTISM – Shit won’t happen if … view full post
On Version Control
Via: http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=150493&cid=12622794
Open Source calls it: alpha testing
Microsoft calls it: 1.0
Google calls it: shhhh…top secret
Apple calls it: unsubstantiated rumors
Open Source calls it: beta testing
Microsoft calls it: 2.0
Google calls it: beta testing
Apple calls it: rumours with possibly some substance to them
Open Source calls it: release candidate
Microsoft calls it: 3.0
Google calls it: beta testing
Apple calls it: copies are circulated to the usual … view full post
TIME 100: Thabo Mbeki
Via: http://www.time.com/time/subscriber/2005/time100/leaders/100mbeki.html
The Most Powerful Man in Africa
By WILLIAM MERVIN GUMEDE
South African President Thabo Mbeki can be so busy putting out fires around Africa that South Africans sometimes sneer that he has too little time for his own country. Such is the burden of the most powerful man in Africa, the first person local and international leaders call at the … view full post