Hellkom

I love a good Hellkom blog.

When I moved at the beginning of August, I applied with Telkom to have my ADSL line transferred. It went relatively smoothly - infact they even called me up a few days earlier than they'd initially planned for, to come do the installation. They provided me with my new telephone number, I was back online, everything was great.

My good forture with the Telkom God ended this week. What they didn't tell me however, is that when you transfer your line, you're issued with a new account! As "Africa's largest integrated communications company", Telkom aren't very big on communication.

Unless you notice the new 12-digit string at the top of your monthly paper invoice, which I generally don't even check because I use eServices (their online bill payment system), you'll have no idea that this has happened. They don't even take the initiative to link your new account into your eServices profile - you have to do this manually - and even when you've done that, you have to wait for the account to be loaded into the system. I'd love to know why this very simple task can't be automated. "Automation" isn't part of the Telkom vocabulary.

The other thing Telkom do - with no opt-out option - is they SMS you every month when your "tel no" - note not account - is in arrears:

Telkom Reminder: Our records indicate tel no 021 461**** is in arrears with R566.71. Please pay immediately & contact 10210 with receipt particulars.

This is perhaps the only thing Telkom automate.

So with an account balance of R0.00 (which was correct, since my account was in credit after a previous month's invoice was double paid thanks to the incompetence of their eServices system), receiving SMS messages saying otherwise, and a suspended line, I called them up to find out what was going down.

Speaking to Telkom Support is always an adventure. I get the impression that their systems produce random results, based on the different array of answers they provide me with every time I speak to someone different.

In brief, I'm now liable for a R119 reconnection fee. I promptly paid my account that was in arrears, and was assured the next day that I'd been reconnected. After fiddling with my router and trying all possible combinations and resets, I phoned again. I hadn't been reconnected.

The story continues next week...

And another thing - the monthly paper invoice, comprising no less than 3 A4 sheets - how much energy are they wasting and how many trees are they destroying, by not providing their users with the option to receive it electronically, like most other established service providers do? You'd think that a "progressive" technology company like Telkom would be one of the first to adopt this green approach. "Ethics" isn't part of the Telkom vocabulary either.

Your days are numbered, Hellkom! Neotel are coming...

UPDATE [19/11]: Call to Telkom Account Enquiries:
<me> Hello, I'd like to find out the status of my account please.
<Pinky> Sorry, we are currently offline. Would you mind calling back in an hour?