If you’ve got the poison I’ve got the remedy

One pint of Stella Artois. An hour tube ride to Chalk Farm (??) station. One pint of Fosters. A tube ride to Leicester ("Lester") Square station. Walked in circles around Covent Garden.

£6 cover at the Long Island Iced Tea Shop. A persistent vodka girl claiming her vodka was responsible for her youthful appearances, when in fact she was really 83. I told her she looked 90. She didn't twitch.

Four Kronenbourg 1664's. Autographed the hands of two hysterical girls, one named Sally, who mistook us for Ant & Dec. I signed as Ant, differently for each.

A persistent vodka girl claiming her profits were going to a charity for Romanian Girls like herself. I asked which Romanian City she was from. She replied with some unpronounceable name, and that it's close to the Ukraine border. She said I wouldn't know it. I didn't. I twitched.

Offered £25 to get home in a taxi. Laughed it off. Walked in circles around Covent Garden.

Jumped into a photo of two Aussie blokes outside Stringfellows, famous for its lap dancing. Took their photo and gloated over our Sevens victory. Walked in circles around Covent Garden.

Caught a £25 taxi home. Laughed it off. Saw Big Ben from a new angle.

And the best thing after a night out in central London? ....Bovril on toast, of course.

If you've got the poison I've got the remedy.